I was having a seriously hard time these few days. I just wanna share it in here. Not to say that I'm so low, but it feels good to just let 'everything' out.
It began when I went out with my sis-in-law last Thursday. I was hoping for a great day that day cus the plan is to watch a movie. Yeah, everything went well. Even the movie was awesome - The Proposal- It was after the movie. We went for window shopping. Gosh!! I wish I could just close my eyes and dart through the grand Times Square main door.
They're everywhere!!!! I was shouting "Go! Disappear!" in my thoughts. Everything came back to me like the horse being let go from the stable. I was wordless, mindless and above all, I feel pain. But I couldn't potray it. Not that time. I glued my game face the whole afternoon. I'm not going to break down in front of every one. Not that moment.
I was in my weak moment. I was down below . I was in agony. A scattered precious painting on the wall, that was impossible to repair. The feeling was unbareable. I tried to embrace everything. Crumple everything to one piece and toss it up, smack it hard so that it will fall far, far away. But things aren't going the way I wanted. I was just wasting my time and effort to squeeze several things that aren't meant to sit side by side.
"Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget"
That's the line I choose and try to make it better..in a pathetic way. I was such a jerk that day. But that's fine. It's normal. I just don't want to stuck like that the rest of eternity. All I'm asking is just for a bit of happiness in facing the mess I put myself in.
