I want to tell you that I'm happy and mean it.

No one in this world live through a smooth journey all the way. If there is, they better don't call it a life. Many people said that journey of life resemble a roller-coaster ride. Yah..that can't be a denial also, and no one argue with that either. I've always wanted to tell every one that I'm happy. And I know I did..but do I really mean it? Only I know the answer to that question. 

It's sad and embarrassing to spread the word..the real word. Hey...I'm just an ordinary person who tried damn hard to turn it up side down. It's excrutiating to live in a world that is not yours. It's a tough line to follow. Plus, you can't do whatever you want and rule the land yourself. BS!! BS everything that had in my way. BS to my attitude that cause me become like this. BS to those who wants to screw me. BS to my jerk-iness. BS to my ego. BS to myself.

I'm so sick and tired with everything around me now. I'm exhausted going through my days. Yes, I'm just a human who need rest, attention, care, love and devotion. If you see me so tough, that's because I want you to remember me that way. Not that I'm saying I'm not tough, I am, just that I don't want people to see me in my weak moment. I plant the fact "I'm happy" long time ago. I give it enough water and change the soil, pluck out the weed and trim it nicely. I didn't keep it under a shed, I bring it outside every day so that it can shine. It's growing, but I don't know why the flower didn't bloom. 

I'm happy, and at the same time I'm not. I'm sad and always feel low. There's always things that are not right in my eyes.  Things didn't go as I wish. I'm happy but not happy enough. Just saying that with dry smile carved on my face. What is my description about happy now? I don't know. I guess I just simply say that I'm happy..but do I really feel that way. Again. Only I know how to answer that. Anyhow, thanks to those who tried to make up my day. I appreciate it a lot. And for you my TPP, I will never forget all the greatest moment we've been together, even though it's countable, but it's the best. 

I'm saying this again. I'm happy. Just safe your memory that way.